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Sex, Lies and Conversation by Deborah Tannen

Deborah Tannen’s essay on Sex, Lies and Conversation presents a point-by-point comparison between men and females’ feelings in a relationship. Tannen argues that women are not from Venus and men are not from Mars either. However, how every sex thinks is quite different from the opposite partner. According to Deborah, each sex has a diverse and unique way of understanding matters related to relationships. Deborah depicts that couples tend to think that their partner’s reasons like they do failing to tell that they entirely view things in different ways. In her essay, Deborah states that men and women bare different intellectual thoughts hence the cause of conflict between the parties. The paper depicts whether Deborah Tannen’s essay on Sex, Lies and Conversation is point-by-point or subject-by-subject and what she gains from organizing her writing in such style.

In arguing out her point, Deborah explains how her boyfriend would occasionally close his eyes with his arms lying on the floor whenever she talked to him. She also states that unlike women, men do not make direct eye contact with their partners while thinking on the issue at hand; they keep their eyes wandering all over the place (Tannen). However, women always make direct eye contact to initiate and confirm the feelings of the person they are talking to; it helps them justify on whether the person is listing to them or not (Tannen). In her essay, Deborah points out that man while putting their arms over their eyes means they are concentrating much on what their partners are telling them. Failure to understand the natural difference between men’s behavior and that of women causes communication havoc in a relationship. Throughout the essay on Sex, Lies and Conversation depicts point-by-point comparison between the male and female gender in a relation.

Tannen gains a lot in addressing her readers with the kind of written organization illustrated by the essay of Sex, Lies and Conversation. It is much easier for her fans to understand what emerges in a relationship leading to misunderstanding. Tannen quickly catches the reader’s attention, concentration and understanding of what is read as intended by every author. Also, the organization gives a clear view of her work by comparing the psychological issues that lead to relationship issues. Point-by-point arrangement of an essay provides the reader with an easy way of following the writer’s content reading out their mind and collectively having a smooth interpretation of the text. Deborah has since managed to control a significant mass to complete reading out her writing by the use of point-by-point organization structure in creating her essay. People often want to understand why things happened the way they did; throughout the piece, Deborah has satisfied the question to avoid suspense in her writing. She often uses explanations in comparing men and female’s thought over sex and how they differently communicate about the issue.

In conclusion, communication is the key to any successful relationship. Human beings are ordained to passing information through conversation, and a proper understanding of the message will most likely attract a positive response. However, when the message is not well interpreted, communication will be ineffective with negative response causing havoc between parties involved in the relationship. In her task to explore the different nature of understanding between men and women, Deborah Tannen incorporates point-by-point organization structure to complete her essay, illustrating every cause of action and how people should relate to such events. Tannen gains from quickly catching the readers, attention, understanding and willingness to complete reading the text being one of every author desire to pass the intended message.

Work Cited

Tannen, Deborah. Sex, Lies and Conversation: The Washington Post, June 24, 1990. Retrieved from


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