Introduction
Looking back on history and the evolution of human relationships, it is evident that attachment styles have always played a major role in determining how long and deep the connection of relationships goes. Looking at literal works of Levine and Heller share startling insights behind the mysteries of emotional connections. Revelations from their seminal work reveal that only 50% of humans possess a secure attachment style (Levine & Heller 16). Delving deeper into this exploration, there is the realization of different factors that contribute to the prevalence of relationships in any contemporary society. The ideology behind different attachment styles has also been rooted in other influential research psychologists. Good examples include Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby, who strongly affirm that our early emotional bonds play a pivotal role in shaping adult relationships. This compelling lens back to the mysteries behind intricate human relationships that manifest in present-day relationships as both tribulations and triumphs (Harcourt, 144)
Among the many determinants of approaching intimacy and genuine romantic relationships, are the patterns of attachment. These inevitable patterns come in all disorganized manners, leaving countless individuals searching for romantic partners carrying conflicting emotions with them. What follows next is the struggle of finding someone compatible amidst the emotional complexities, translating to a continuous cycle of pain and disappointment. Exploring growth, understanding, and unlocking wisdom in such cases, can serve as the cornerstone of interpersonal bonds through secure attachments. This essay explores whether secured attachment bonds do foster healthy relationships and improve the quality of life both physically and mentally. In other words, does properly identifying our own and our partner’s attachment style when choosing a partner guarantee fulfillment?
Traditional thoughts and new science
The understanding of childhood development has over the decades if not centuries been subjected to a paradigm shift. For the longest time in the twentieth century, the idea of leaving children to grow by themselves has been considered of great benefit. Leaving them alone has always been perceived as a way of fostering independence, self-reliance, and resilience among children. These notions were, however, countered by a different alternative ideology backed by groundbreaking research from John Bowly and Mary Ainsworth. The emotional bond between children and caregivers also known as secured attachment has proved to be transformative and with long-lasting impacts. Their revolutionary works on the understanding of childhood development revealed that secured attachment has a profound impact on a child’s development both emotionally and psychologically (Ainsworth & Bowlby 335).
Today’s modern society can be described as fast-paced and dynamic as the days go by. Over the years, learning to be independent has always been cheered on as early as childhood days both at school and at home. True to the idea behind being independent, many have been empowered and turned out successful. Children have always been pushed to make their first step by themselves and congratulated for it, use the washroom, and even making own decisions as they grow. While the universe accepts this as the ideal way to go about life, the truth that people possess unique neurological pathways and physiological structures is often ignored.
In trying to navigate human attachment and get a better understanding of social identity, breaking down the fundamental human need for attachment is important. The Dependency Paradox explores how connections are a crucial role they play in establishing the characters of individuals. The theory contradicts the idea of being independent. It stresses that people need each other if they are to coexist in the communities they live in. Despite the desire to be self-sufficient, human beings are designed to seek a sense of belonging or companionship. On the other hand, as they go about building these connections, attachment patterns profoundly influence the types of relationships formed. As the paradox further reveals as highlighted by Levine and Heller (Levine and Heller, pg24) there are about three types of attachments that form distinct relationships. For instance, secure attachment is associated with nurturing relationships, anxious attachment with intense relationships, and avoidant relationships often associated with independence.
Looking at how attachments differ from one person to the other from a biological perspective, it is true to claim that intimate partners share their well-being both physically and emotionally. Citing the works of Levine and Heller, the need for independence varies, and embracing diversity is the way to go if we are going to have a compassionate and understanding society. Intimate relationships have proved that emotional bonds can lead to synchronizing of physiological activities among people who share such kinds of bonds.
Celebrating individuality in relationships has always been a very major focus by scholars in a try to understand whether the need to be self-sufficient in a relationship overpowers embracing codependency. This has in turn led to the emergence of the Codependency Myth perpetuated by Levine and Heller (Levine & Heller, 28). It puts focus on promoting healthy interdependence instead of pushing for rigid expectations. It is important to note that the myth overlooks the inherent nature of people and does not advocate for the obvious reality that interdependence is a crucial aspect. So, instead, individuals should practice interdependence within the relationship. Each individual comes into the relationship with unique physiological structures, it is better to foster healthy interdependence rather than total independence. Therefore, embracing the myth of Codependency creates an avenue for a more compassionate, understanding, and inclusive approach to relationships (Lawson). What comes out of this are meaningful connections without losing one’s true identity.
Different types of Attachment
As observed from previous findings, human beings are wired to be emotional, right from the date of birth. Evidently from how they interact with their caregivers and those they interact with through their lives as they venture into their societies, the need to be connected remains a very core thing. Levine and Heller have in their research shown how different attachment types are connected with specific people that translate to very unique relationships that shape identities. Here are some of the attachment types and the relationships they are tied with:
Secure attachments and nurturing relationships
Also known as the cornerstone of human development, it is characterized by comfort and reliability. A good example is that of caregivers, primarily the parent, and children. As they nurture the young ones with a sense of safety and security, emotional bonds are fostered. What results from this is a life of confidence and the ability to form even healthier relationships with others. A child that grows up knowing that their emotions are valid and acknowledged navigates without the fear of being themselves. It extends into adulthood bringing a sense of self-worth and the ability to rely on support from others.
Anxious attachments
Early childhood experiences are also known to be the biggest factor for this form of attachment. It is brought about by unpredictable or inconsistent parental responses during infancy. Children who have grown up in environments that did not give consistent emotional support, heightened fear of being abandoned, or longing for closeness with their caregivers fall under this type of attachment. They grow up with anxiety and are in constant need of reassurance and emotional validation (Lane). The effect flows into their social interactions, romantic partnerships, and even friendships. Being clingy or overly dependent on their partners and seeking constant attention can be a few of their many coping mechanisms.
Disorganized Attachments
Disorganized attachments are always seen to be inconsistent patterns and often unpredictable towards caregivers by a child. Such individuals are insecure and get comforted in contradicting responses such as seeking comfort by avoiding their primary caregivers. It often appears when a child’s emotional needs are responded to in the same manner. Disorganized attachments stem from childhood experiences that were traumatizing or frightening. It manifests itself into adulthood in the form of struggles with trust in relationships and low self-esteem.
Exploring Secure Attachment Through the Situation Test Among Children
Making observations through the Strange Situation Test, it is discovered that secure attachment is pivotal in shaping curiosity among children. The concept has its roots based on the idea of a “secure base” as explored by Levine and Heller (Levine &Heller, 32) that comes with the parent or whoever assumes the role of a caregiver. Mary Ainsworth developed the test to assess the level of attachment in a child by assessing how secure they felt around someone or something. In this test, the child is taken away from their caregiver and then reunited in a controlled experiment. Observations made are the child reacts differently depending on the episodes of separation providing meaningful insights into their level of attachment (“Childhood attachment: The strange situation study”). Children are usually interested in exploring the unknown and exhibit curiosity when they are around an environment that feels safe. It gives them a secure base to take a risk without the fear of being abandoned when they get the reassurance of reliable support. The Harlow monkey experiment on the other hand revealed how emotional support plays a major role in attachment and fostering relationships (Harlow 90). It teaches that attachment goes beyond biological needs.
Benefits of secure attachment among adults.
Individuals that grew up without the experience of secure attachment are often faced with the challenge of building nurturing relationships as they grow through adulthood. To be interpersonally fulfilled and stable emotionally when building relationships, secure attachments have to be the bedrock. Secure attachment gives individuals the confidence to establish a relationship with confidence and belief in being safe and truthful. This serves as a stepping stone to building healthy emotional connections with other people.
Research by Brian Baker goes ahead to prove the bond born out of secure attachment extends to even better overall health between the two (Baker 229). Close connectedness affects the immune system function and can sync heart rates or even hormonal regulation (Coan 1032). Oxytocin, also popularly known as the “love hormone” is released when intimate relationships are formed. These hormones in return foster feelings of trust and affection and even strengthen their bonds. Acknowledging the different biological make-up will create safe spaces for everyone to grow authentically and be empowered for who they are.
How to Cultivate Healthy Relationships
It goes without a doubt that attachments are often deep-rooted and can be hard to unlearn. However, it is difficult to break from the shackles of negative attachments. Undergoing therapies or even individual efforts to become self-aware or build emotional resilience can be one way to go about it. If proper groundwork was not laid early enough, supportive partners can help to open up emotionally and even learn to do it by themselves over time (Burling, 25). Understanding and recognizing individual types of attachments can make the first and most crucial step to fostering healthy relationships even easier. Acknowledging the origins of attachment tendencies and how they affect emotional responses can be a starting point. Expressing feelings and communicating intimately bring understanding among partners as it provides individualized solutions for the specific relationship (Kay).
Call to Action
Navigating through interpersonal relationships calls for healthy connections and a solid bedrock of healthy emotional development since childhood. To enjoy fulfilling and satisfying lives, breaking from the cycle of any attachment that holds them back. Communicating honestly and openly without the fear of being judged gives security and greater intimacy in forming partnerships based on trust. Redefining relationship expectations from a societal perspective can also be a game changer. It is not in all scenarios that a one-size-fits-all model should be applied, instead celebrating diversity should be the new societal expectation.
Knowing that attachments extend from childhood to adulthood, future generations can start by offering the recommended foundation for their children consistently. Instead of fostering strict independence, teaching individual variability and remaining true to oneself can also be another starting point.
Conclusion
Conclusively, this exploration is not a gesture of despair but an eye-opener instead. With more authors and scholars dissecting this wide field of study, a glimmer of hope stares. With an even clearer roadmap and enough tools to shine more light on attachment and relationships, there is a need to keep the human nature of staying connected under meaningful and healthy relationships even more alive.
Work Cited
Ainsworth, Mary D., and Bowlby, John. “An Ethological Approach to Personality Development.” American Psychologist 46 (1991): 333-341. 1991. APA PsycNet
https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.46.4.333
Burling, A. Healthy romantic relationships. ABDO, 2020.
Baker, Brian, et al. “Marital support, spousal contact and the course of mild hypertension.” Journal of psychosomatic research vol. 55,3 (2003): 229-33. ScienceDirect. doi:10.1016/s0022-3999(02)00551-2
Coan, James A et al. “Lending a hand: social regulation of the neural response to threat.” Psychological science vol. 17,12 (2006): 1032-9. PubMed. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9280.2006.01832.x
“Childhood attachment: The strange situation study.” 2016, doi:10.4135/9781473984653
Feeney, Brooke. “The dependency paradox in close relationships: Accepting dependence promotes independence.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(2), 268–285. 2007. APA PsycNet. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.92.2.268
Harlow, H F et al. “Total social isolation in monkeys.” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America vol. 54,1 (1965): 90-7. PubMed.
https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.54.1.90
Harcourt, E. “Two routes from secure attachment to virtue.” Attachment and Character, 2021, pp. 137-153, doi:10.1093/oso/9780192898128.003.0008.
Kay, N. Relationships matter: Manage your thoughts, feelings, and actions to develop and maintain healthy relationships | Simple tips to improve self-esteem. Crystal Books LLC, 2021.
Lane, B. Anxious attachment recovery: Go from being clingy to confident & secure in your relationships. 2023.
Lawson, D. Anxiety in relationships: 3 books in 1: Attachment theory workbook, insecure attachment, and Codependency. Overcome the severe damage caused by the fear of abandonment. 2020.
Levine, Amir, and Rachel Heller. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It
Can Help You Find–and Keep–Love. Penguin, 2010.
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