Marital conflict is one of the areas that has been widely explored in recent years by scholars and scholars due to the increased crisis in marriages and relationships. According to Stackhouse (2019), intimate affiliations fulfill the desires and needs of most the relationships but are also the primary cause of the most emotional upsets. Then, upsets result in anger and resentment, which consequently have a negative impact on the relationship. Most marriages experience this challenge, which prompts therapists to identify the most effective approach. Forgiveness is one of the approaches that can be used to overcome this relationship challenge.
In recent years, forgiveness has gained massive recognition by therapists and counseling psychologists as an effective approach to resolving relationship problems. According to Askari (2016), forgiveness in intimate relationships contributes to marital satisfaction and longevity. Marriage therapists view forgiveness as an important element in counseling because it enhances the healing process because it enables partners to release anger and bitterness, resulting in effective emotional healing. Despite forgiveness being a complex concept that lacks consensual delineation, it is viewed as a practical approach to transformation that reduces the motivations of a partner to retaliate negatively when offended. Forgiveness demonstrates unique aspects in resolving marital differences compared to other renowned concepts such as reconciliation and condoning.
Forgiveness historically has been linked with the Judaeo-Christian tradition in which Kaleta and Jaśkiewicz (2023) contest that the association has contributed to bias of forgiveness in psychological research. Forgiveness was perceived as a religious construct in the sense the concept was exercised within the religious settings; hence, gaining less interest from therapists and psychological counsellors. However, recently, many psychologists have developed an interest in forgiveness as a sustainable approach to resolving marital conflicts. Psychologists argue that distinctions between celestial forgiveness elements in the context of religion and human forgiveness can be drawn.
Worthington et al. (2017) define forgiveness as a transformation of the heart and the ability to overcome anger within an individual based on moral foundations. Aalgaard et al. (2016) also describe forgiveness as an intra-individual and prosocial transformation towards an alleged wrongdoer positioned within a particular personal perspective. The term intra-individual means that the transformation has to occur within the victim. In their definition, Ruffing et al. (2017) state that forgiveness is described as the motivation to lessen revenge or retaliation and avoidance against a transgressor, which enhances the possibility of reconciliation. All these definitions focus on the forgiver, which illustrates that the process is based on a position in which the transgressor.
According to various psychological research, forgiveness is determined by social reasoning developments after a transgression (Akhtar & Barlow, 2018). A number of signs that demonstrate the process of forgiveness include apologies and confessions, followed by noticeable signs of repentance and remorse. In situations where the transgression is not intentional, overcoming the offender’s account, especially partial admission of the offense positively affects the reactions and judgment of the victim towards the offense. One aspect that can increase a victim’s willingness to forgive is attributing the offense to external reasons and presuming it to be unplanned, mild, and preventable. Moreover, forgiveness can also be easily achieved when the victim has empathy towards the offender.
The prevalence of forgiveness as an effective approach in psychological therapy prompted Alaedein-Zawawi (2015) to develop a social-psychological model of factors and the significance of personal forgiveness. The model points out that social-cognitive variables connected to how the victim feels and thinks about the transgressor dramatically influences the ability to forgive. A person’s willingness to forgive is mainly influenced by compassion towards the offender and is significantly determined by the contemplation and acknowledgment of the transgression. In contrast to social-cognitive variables, elements of the offense, such as the supposed offense relentlessness, are perceived to play an insignificant role in forgiveness.
The model further suggests that the relationship qualities in which the transgression occurs, such as level of commitment, satisfaction, closeness, and intimacy, are key determinants of forgiveness. A study conducted by Behrens et al. (2023) was in support of the significance of forgiveness in gaining insights about aggression and increasingly common communication patterns. Empathy towards the offender, often referred to as forgiving imagery, reduced the level of sadness and anger of the victim. Additionally, anger and irritation lessened following forgiveness as an intervention measure. Forgiveness is perceived as a primary contributor in establishing reconciliation between a victim and offender, which indicates that it plays an important part in the insinuations for outcomes of relationships.
Research conducted by Stackhouse (2019) found that therapists and clinicians found that most clients oppose adopting forgiveness as an intervention approach. This tendency can be attributed to the fact that most people believe that forgiveness means forgetting about the offense and reconciling. Moreover, there is a strong belief that to forgive oneself is supposed to accept and overlook the transgression. Kaleta and Jaśkiewicz (2023) mention that many people perceive forgiveness as a sign of weakness and may loathe the idea because they believe it provides the offender a chance to offend again.
Further psychological studies on forgiveness point out the need to draw several distinctions since forgiveness may be associated with other constructs, such as acceptance. Although acceptance suggests that an individual who is wronged changes the perception of the transgression, it does not mean viewing the offense differently. This aspect of forgiveness resulted in the conclusion of Bell et al. (2018), who opined that forgiveness cannot be achieved by the weak and that it is a trait for strong people. Forgiveness should occur regardless of the transgression’s wrongful nature, even when the perpetrator is not eligible for compassion.
There is also a significant distinction between forgiveness and condoning a transgression since an individual is required not to believe that the questionable behavior was acceptable. Additionally, Freedman and Zarifkar (2016) opine that it is different from pardon, denial, forgetting, and resolution. This observation is critical in psychological therapy studies because several scholars and individuals consider reconciliation a vital constituent of forgiveness. Nevertheless, most researchers contend that reconciliation is not necessary for forgiveness. Even after the transgression, the continuity of a relationship does not mean that the offense is forgiven. Equally, Akhtar and Barlow (2018) state that the decision of partners to separate does not signify that they have not practiced forgiveness. However, there is a higher possibility of reconciliation between partners after forgiveness.
Forgiveness in marriage is a cornerstone for relationship longevity and satisfaction because it assists couples in handling existing challenges and averting their future emergence. Offenses within the marriage can inflict either physical or emotional pain, which consequently affects marital connections. Forgiveness has gained popularity as one of the suitable interventions that can solve marital problems and restore connections between couples. However, it is difficult to determine when forgiveness is necessary since there are numerous issues in a marriage, such as arguments, infidelity, or broken promises, among others. In their research, Wade and Tittler (2019) argued that forgiveness is essential when offenses infringe on one’s interpersonal morals or aspect of fairness in the marriage.
Various studies on marital aspects have found a positive correlation between relationship satisfaction and forgiveness (Aalgaard et al., 2016). One of the mechanisms that can be used to achieve forgiveness in relationships to enhance satisfaction is engaging in apologies and confessions. Moreover, the quality of the relationship also determines the partners’ willingness or ability to forgive. Similar to forgiveness having positive and negative aspects, partners in marriage may harbor positive or negative feelings towards each other, and this contradiction plays a part in the process of forgiveness.
Offenses are likely to increase the harmful constituents of this form of contradiction, and when combined with reflections about the transgression, they reduce the possibility of a partner forgiving. This is treacherous for marriages because ambivalence is linked with a higher tendency to react extremely, likely to prompt fresh offenses in the relationship. Ruffing, et al. (2017) opines that applying forgiveness as a relationship intervention in this context requires therapists or psychological counsellors to use an approach that can counter the ambivalence. This can be achieved by stimulating positive feelings in the aggravated partner, noting the stronghold areas in the relationship, and developing assenting beliefs.
Most marriage therapists and counselors in recent years have claimed that numerous interventions have yielded positive results in enhancing forgiveness using different models of forgiveness. Enright’s (1996) model is one of the stage models many therapists adopt since it perceives forgiveness as a process through four stages. The first stage is the uncovering phase, which focuses on discovering the hurt inflicted on a partner. The second phase is the decision, which involves a discussion of forgiveness, and the victim commits to attempting to start the forgiveness journey. The third stage of the model is the work phase, which focuses on the offender to try and gather an understanding of the transgression. The final stage is the deepening phase, which involves an individual working towards reconciliation and also identifying purpose in the process of forgiveness.
Freedman and Zarifkar (2016) developed comparable forgiveness models in marriages and relationships. The three-stage model by Behrens et al. (2023) points out that the individual who has been offended needs to cope with the effect of transgression, identify the purpose for the offense, and move on by developing fresh beliefs about relationships. The intervention model is most suitable in marital problems involving affairs such as infidelity because it focuses on dealing with interpersonal pains. A study by Wade and Tittler (2019) found that therapists who applied this model showed positive outcomes. Most of the couples participating in therapy that used this model demonstrated reduced emotional anguish in their marriage and improved forgiveness towards infidelity.
Marital enrichment interventions and marriage group therapy consist of some treatment approaches used to enhance partner forgiveness. Scholars such as Askari (2016) have expounded on these intervention attempts for persons in intimate relationships to help couples engage in the process of forgiveness. A number of marriage education programs, such as the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program, are used by therapists at the prevention level and include some aspects of forgiveness. The use of different approaches in therapy to facilitate forgiveness in intimate relationships and marriages forms a critical area for future psychological research, particularly in the contextualization of public health.
It is evident that despite the numerous interventions available to foster forgiveness, most of them have received minimal empirical examination. Further, researchers have developed models of forgiveness for intervention but have failed to empirically demonstrate that forgiveness unfolds in a theorized way. Notably, most of the interventions applied in marital therapy aim at encouraging forgiveness through enhancing empathy for the transgressor (Worthington et al., 2017). Enhanced empathy will likely directly impact reactive compulsions by making the offender increasingly reasonable. With the possible variance of impacts on forgiveness’s positive and negative aspects, this perception appears exciting and may be essential for lasting results for couples.
The existing intervention programs that help foster forgiveness are likely not to offer total solutions to marriage problems and relationship resolution despite being significantly effective in reducing the motivation to revenge in the event of transgression. Thus, most of the intervention models for forgiveness may yield short-term solutions for marital issues and may fail to achieve the desired outcome. The primary element that can enable marital therapists to achieve long-term results is to identify forgiveness intervention models that facilitate couples to discover and react well to their revengeful objectives. To achieve maximum outcomes, the intervention models should demonstrate three features. The intervention should willingly take place to the partners while secondly, it is supposed to have the lowest level of reasoning, and finally, it is supposed to have a relaxing impact on each individual.
References
Aalgaard, R. A., Bolen, R. M., & Nugent, W. R. (2016). A literature review of forgiveness as a beneficial intervention to increase relationship satisfaction in couple’s therapy. Journal of Human Behavior in the Social Environment, 26(1), 46-55.
Akhtar, S., & Barlow, J. (2018). Forgiveness therapy for the promotion of mental well-being: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 19(1), 107-122.
Alaedein-Zawawi, J. (2015). Religious commitment and psychological well-being: Forgiveness as a mediator. European Scientific Journal, 11(5).
Askari, Z. (2016). Forgiveness and its relationship with marital satisfaction: a sectional study. The International Journal of Indian Psychology, 3(3), 84-90.
Behrens, C., Kliem, S., & Kröger, C. (2023). Doctrine-Shaped Trait Forgiveness and Relationship Satisfaction in People who Identify as Christians—A Multiple Mediation Analysis. International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology, 1-22.
Bell, C. A., Kamble, S. V., & Fincham, F. D. (2018). Forgiveness, attributions, and marital quality in US and Indian marriages. Journal of couple & relationship therapy, 17(4), 276-293.
Freedman, S., & Zarifkar, T. (2016). The psychology of interpersonal forgiveness and guidelines for forgiveness therapy: What therapists need to know to help their clients forgive. Spirituality in Clinical Practice, 3(1), 45.
Kaleta, K., & Jaśkiewicz, A. (2023). Forgiveness in Marriage: From Incidents to Marital Satisfaction. Journal of Family Issues, 0192513X231194294.
Kaleta, K., & Jaśkiewicz, A. (2023). Forgiveness in Marriage: From Incidents to Marital Satisfaction. Journal of Family Issues, 0192513X231194294.
Ruffing, E. G., Moon, S. H., Krier, J., Paine, D. R., Wolff, E., & Sandage, S. J. (2017). Self-forgiveness in couple and family therapy. Handbook of the psychology of self-forgiveness, 193-206.
Stackhouse, M. R. (2019). Trait forgiveness as a predictor of state forgiveness and positive work outcomes after victimization. Personality and Individual Differences, 149, 209-213.
Wade, N. G., & Tittler, M. V. (2019). Psychological interventions to promote forgiveness of others: Review of empirical evidence. Handbook of forgiveness, 255-265.
Worthington, E. L., Griffin, B. J., & Provencher, C. (2017). Forgiveness. In Subjective well-being and life satisfaction (pp. 148-167). Routledge.
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