Introduction
Grief is an adverse psychological state that can affect any person. Death is one of the leading causes of grief—Death results in grief since it is hard to cope without a close relative or friend. The effect of grief is tough on children as they are yet to develop the psychological mechanisms to cope with their mental state. Also, culture and religion play a significant role in how children cope with grief. Essentially, different cultures and religions use discrete mechanisms to cope with grief. While these methods have historical significance, they might have a negative effect on a person. Grief that results from death is a state that can weigh down any person since human beings are sentimental.
Evolution of Grief Theory in Psychology
Grief is a phenomenon in psychological studies. It is a psychological study invention invented in the early 20th century. Freud published the influential essay on mourning and melancholia in 1917(Granek 2010). Since the concept of grief, many psychologists have pushed for the inclusion of grief as a psychological domain. Since then, the grief theory has evolved within the discipline of psychology. In the 19th century, grief was a condition of the human soul or spirit, which was not a mental illness but sometimes was viewed as an insanity cause (Granek 2010). Contemporary psychologists define grief as distress resulting from bereavement, with bereavement being the loss of a loved one by death. Grief research is done to show a clear picture of how the modern-day. For people to heal quickly, grief was constructed. The goal of grief was to get people back to work efficiently and timely.
Before Freud, some researchers were studying the concept of grief. One of them was Burton, who wrote on the forms of loss and grief in his book The Anatomy of melancholy (Granek 2010). He referred to grief as the cruel torture of the soul. Burton also illustrated that the psychological definition of grief has little in common with melancholia. Grief was potentially fatal in the 17th century, leading to even premature death or making a person mad. The psychology of grief study was first thoroughly done by AF shand (Granek 2010). He described grief as the laws of sorrow. However, Freud’s psychoanalytic theories were the ones that had the most impact within the discipline of psychology on contemporary grief research. Freud advocated for a grieving person to detach their emotional energy from the deceased and instead focus the energy on their other areas of life. (Granek 2010) He also argued that grief is a laborious and slow process that could never be resolved. In the early 20th century, Abraham also published a book illustrating how melancholia and grief are connected.
Due to Freud’s view on grief work, some western assumptions that have remained essential tools in grief research emerged. Some of these views were that grief was an active process that consisted of an intense struggle to give up an emotional attachment to individuals who had been lost. By tracing historical biography, a psychological kind of grief, its definition is seen as transient, and its definition can be based on changing historical, cultural, and social contexts.
Coping Mechanism of Death
The loss of a loved one is one of the most traumatic and difficult life experiences that can cause distress to some individuals. One of the ways of coping with death is through religion. Religion can be defined as ideology expressed by performing ceremonies and rituals. Studies revealed a moderate effect on participants’ religious denomination when adjusting to loss(Norton et al .,2014). Most people find comfort in religion when dealing with loss. One of the mechanisms used in religion to cope with death is Interpersonal Attachment and Attachment to God. This theory focuses on the child and their caregiver relationship to facilitate survival through being close to the caregiver (Adams et al., 2014). The child feels secure when the caregiver is close to them and shows fear when the caregiver is not close to them. Some of the identified attachment styles include avoidant style, characterized by lack of trust in others and insecurity; secure style, which is defined by confidence in the caregiver’s availability when needed. Edgy style is described as having a high fear of rejection strong desire for closeness. An interpersonal attachment was found to be resourceful in dealing with grief.
Conceptualization of people’s attachment with God is also essential. The believer personifies God as a parental figure who is protective, strong, and loving and is seen as a haven to turn to in times of need (Adams et al., 2014). Some people who are grieving find comfort in God. Attachment to God is seen differently in people with different religions.
Attachment to God and coping. In the loss, individuals will likely turn to God as a comforting figure (Adams et al., 2014). Most people consider prayer to be close to God. When faced with distress, most individuals will seek answers to source their suffering, with some individuals attributing their loss to God. They believe that God either allowed or caused their suffering. However, these religious struggles may result in spiritual growth. Secure attachment to God, characterized by low levels of anxiety and avoidance, can lead to the well-being of an individual psychologically and lower depression in a loss context.
Anticipating parental death in families. Anticipating parental death in families with young children is another way of coping with death (Saldinger et al., 1999). In the emotional realm providing an emotional head start on grief, work effectively deals with grief. When loved ones are given a chance to say goodbye to their loved ones, emotional closure can be reached before death occurs. One presumed benefit of anticipating parents’ death is that one can provide care for the dying, which helps reduce postmortem self-approach (Saldinger et al., 1999). In the cognitive realm, acceptance of death can be facilitated through anticipation, thus making coping with death easier. On a practical level, terminal illness helps one become acquainted with the role of the bereaved and financial planning. From inoculation, terminal illness fosters adaptive coping strategies, thus making postmortem adjustment manageable. However, this approach may not be favorable to children. Given their intellectual capability, they are less likely to take advantage of the anticipated death being presumed to help cope with death.
Accepting the loss of a loved one. The loss of a loved one can cause distress to the suffering one and is usually a very traumatic experience. In the event of loss, most people are usually more resilient in accepting death. An individual attitude and belief toward death may make the bereavement process difficult. At an early age, most people start to develop some beliefs and attitudes toward death, and these beliefs may affect how they react to the death of their loved ones. Some of the attitudes that children hold include fear and denial. Research done by Wong in 1994 showed that individuals who perceived death as a natural phenomenon and part of life coped better than those who had different attitudes about death (Boyraz et al.,2015). Death acceptance has three dimensions. The first dimension, neutral acceptance, involves individuals that view death as a natural part of life and feel that death should neither be feared nor welcomed (Boyraz et al., 2015). The second dimension, approach acceptance, is in line with religiosity, and these individuals view death as a beginning of an afterlife. The third dimension is escape acceptance, which regards death as an end to suffering from intolerable living conditions. These individuals mostly see death as an alternative that is attractive to live. Different individuals respond to grief based on their beliefs. According to Benito, individuals with a neutral attitude to death adjust easily and may not find a need for an explanation compared to individuals who fear death. Escape acceptance may help individuals reframe their loss positively as they believe that their beloved one is relieved from the burdens of life. This is because bereaved individuals with this kind of mentality see life from a negative aspect. This is their coping mechanism for grief. Approach acceptance is a belief that is related to religiosity and the afterlife. Religious beliefs of a happy afterlife may help a bereaved, making poster positive coping in the event of a loss. The relationship between grief and neutral death acceptance gave both children and adults meaning.
Even in the event of a stressful life, these individuals can create a sense of meaning and purpose in their life. This helps in positive coping with death. Therefore, it is essential to explain to the bereaved individuals that death is a natural part of the loss to make sense of their loss. (Boyraz et al., 2015) This neutral attitude toward death may help explain and accept their loss experiences based on their assumptions and beliefs, thus saving them from long-term distress.
This awareness can be made through therapy, whereby an individual’s thoughts about death can be reorganized, thus developing a positive attitude toward death by confronting death. Yalom reported that death awareness workshops consisting of movies and discussions helped alleviate denial of death and death anxiety. The relationship between grief and neutral acceptance is mediated when there is a meaning to life. Clinicians can also use some existential interventions on individuals going through grief. There are also some interventions to make meaning among bereaved individuals. Niemeyer advocated for self-help techniques and narrative exercises that can be used in meaning reconstruction and foster self-reflection among bereaved individuals (Boyraz et al., 2015). Many logotherapy interventions, such as modifying attitudes and Socratic dialogue, can help eliminate the different barriers to meaning fulfillment and become more aware of their strengths. Therefore, the above data shows the correlation between grief and death acceptance.
Bereavement Camp for Children with grief. Children also experience the painful impact of the death of a loved one. Some children may even experience the death of a loved one due to traumatic events such as natural disasters or murder. The ability of a child to grieve is affected by the initial shock of death. These children may even begin to experience nightmares, not be able to recall happy memories with their bereaved and even stop visiting places where they and their loved ones (Boyraz et al., 2015).
Children’s adjustment to parental death. Most people seek counseling services when they experience the loss of a loved one. Children mostly visit camps to begin their healing process. Some of the experiences that bereaving children experience in these camps include posttraumatic play. Its goal is to self-soothe through reenacting the trauma repeatedly and unconsciously. For instance, medical kits and rescue vehicles may be used by children to replay the version of the death scene (Tremblay et al., 1998). In these posttraumatic plays, children recreate and fantasize about their intact families. Allowing stuffed animals or puppets as objects for distancing allows children to replay the last memory with their loved ones and allows counselors to intervene appropriately. Play as a form of therapy in children is highly beneficial as it is a natural form of expression for children. Major disaster researchers found out that most children look for an opportunity to express themselves using creative arts and play (Tremblay et al .,1998). Children’s play areas should be either in playgrounds or natural areas. Children can safely express their expressions in a playroom to help them understand their emotions. Groups can give children an opportunity to share their feelings, experiences, and hurt and therefore start their healing process.
Another method used in the bereavement camps to help children deal with their loss is sand tray. It is a narration method used whereby the storyline enables the children to communicate their thoughts and emotions to the counselor. Lowenfeld created it in 1979(Tremblay et al., 1998). This child-centered technique consists of water, a tray of sand, and miniatures used by the client to create a symbolic and imaginative world. In this method, a counselor allows the child to create their inner world in their external world. Some of the therapeutic benefits of sand trays include allowing children to free their perceptions and feelings and helping them make sense of death. Therapeutic camping also normalizes the grief experience. It helps children develop self-esteem, confidence, and teamwork strategies.
Parent-child interactions. Another way bereaved families can cope is by strengthening the remaining parent’s capacity to provide support.
Talking to Children about Death(Koocher et al., 1974). Discussing death with a child who has lost a loved one is vital in helping them cope with the death of a loved one, and therefore there should be no unspoken barrier on the topic of death.
How Religion or Spirituality is used to Accept death
Rituals are ubiquitous across time and cultures in the face of the loss of a loved one. The most commonly used religions are the ones surrounding death. After adverse life events, most people turn to prayer. Most people devise rituals in the face of losing a loved one, and some of these rituals are even contradictory. For example, Catholics view crying near the dead as a sign of respect, while Tibetan Buddhists view it disruptive (Currier et al., 2013). Rituals are symbolic activities performed before or during an event to achieve some desired outcome. These rituals are often effective in producing desired outcomes in the face of death. More often than not, people who experience loss lose control, and to reestablish their control, they turn to rituals. There is, therefore, a line between ritual and control. Rituals are therefore suggested as a compensatory mechanism used to restore a feeling of loss of control after losses, and this reduces grief due to the increased feeling of control (Currier et al., 2013). Perceived control underlies the effectiveness of rituals in reducing grief.
Religion and posttraumatic death. Religious teaching explains that even though suffering, one’s life can also be fostered with positive changes. Posttraumatic growth can be catalyzed through recognition of a loved one’s death. Posttraumatic growth in terms of the spiritual teachings holds that even in losing a loved one, positive changes can be fostered, such as how one views the future, appreciation of life, perception of strength, and the depth of religious commitments and beliefs. Most religious traditions have pushed for personal growth in the face of grief. Research has revealed that private religious practices, organizational religious activity, and religious coping may also help posttraumatic growth (Currier et al., 2013). It was evident that belief in the afterlife, gratitude, spiritual rituals, and prayer helped the bereaved grow. Compared with other dimensions, the aspects of religion are more evident in helping people deal with the grieving process, thus facilitating postmortem growth. Factors such as cultivating forgiveness, getting social support from the religious community, pursuing daily spiritual experiences, and spending time in meditation and prayer contribute to personal growth.
Alleviating grief is essential, given the negative impacts of grief. When performing rituals to alleviate grief, people’s immediate actions are not the primary driver of reducing grief (Currier et al.,2013). For rituals to increase lowered grief and control after loss, people do not need to endorse the effectiveness of these rituals. For rituals to be effective in reducing grief, some of the critical ingredients refer to a set of actions of a ritual and performing them.
Some spiritual lives were impacted by dreams (Currier et al.,2013). Some children can make meaning in their lives by reflecting on their dreams. The most common theme in spiritual dreams is the one relating to death. Children are faced with the concept of death as they encounter mortality issues in one way or the other. Whereas some of these dreams may be disturbing to children, they often offer coping strategies and reassurance or may give children meaning in their search for issues about life and death. Such dreams are deemed significant because of their impact on children’s lives.
Children often make meanings from their dreams by synthesizing spiritual intelligence theory with other theoretical approaches to dreaming. Spirituality can be conceived as a type of intelligence. Zohar defines spiritual intelligence as a mental aptitude that can address and find solutions to problems of the value and meaning of life (Currier et al.,2013). Emmons suggests that people can solve problems using spiritual resources according to the theories of personality and motivation. Spiritual dreams have always been related to problem-solving, e.g., in dream incubation temples of the medical world, medical diagnoses or cures were found through dreams. Sometimes issues of solving problems through dreams can be directly related to the value and meaning of life. The dreams involving a deceased one can reflect on specific subject matters, such as the purpose for the death of a deceased one. This can, in turn, help children come to terms with the death of their loved ones.
Neuroscientific studies concerning spirituality show that some parts of the brain, when a person apperceives or contemplates spiritual experience, can become active, which can help an individual find meaning and value in death. Dreams help to offer insights into the relationship between the dying and the living, thus helping one come to terms with the loss of a loved one. Before dying, the deceased can have dreams that help them understand the meaning of life and death and reduce the fear of Death (Currier et al.,2013). As a result, this can help the relatives and friends to come to terms with the death of a loved one when the time comes. In most dreams involving a deceased, the dreamers can find meaning in the dreams, thus achieving the goal of accepting death, a hallmark of social intelligence in making sense of death. Therapeutic camping also normalizes the grief experience. It helps children develop self-esteem, confidence, and teamwork strategies. Children can process their grief in a safe and protected environment.
Effects of Grief on Children and adults.
Long-term and acute adaptation in the face of the death of a parent is essential for children. Children are deprived of emotional exchange due to parental loss, and the remaining parent is forced to continue with the deceased role even if they are not well prepared. There is uncertainty on how children experience grief because they have different emotional capabilities from adults. Traditionally, according to psychoanalysts, pre-adolescent children have been seen as incapable of overcoming repression and denial to tolerate the separation process effectively. Attachment theorists have implied that children are at greater risk of distress due to loss’s superficial and hasty processing (Tremblay et al.,1998). The general pattern of depressed symptoms and mixed anxiety has been seen amongst toddlers, prepubertal children, and adolescents. Recognizable grief symptoms are experienced in young children, but their behavior might differ from adults’. In the face of loss, they may appear unemotional or glib. This kind of emotional response by children may be due to social expectations, ignorance regarding mourning behavior, and inability to grasp the significance of loss all at once (Tremblay et al.,1998). In addition, children cannot efficiently describe their state of feeling leading to more expressions of distress in children. Often, children show intense concern for their continued welfare after the loss of their parent, asking questions such as whether the remaining parent will be able to take care of them too and whether they will also get sick and die. Children may continuously seek answers related to those issues, which sometimes may be uncomfortable to the surrounding adults.
Long-term consequences of parental death. Clayton revealed that bereaved children showed symptoms of dysphoria in the long term: crying, sadness and irritability, bedwetting, mild depressive syndrome, and decrement in school performance (Tremblay et al.,1998). Some children also experience acute grief in the face of the loss of their parents. The most bodily difficulties exhibited by children are sleeping problems and headaches. Some of the profound impacts were on the loss of the children’s way of life, such as role shifting of the surviving family members and the attempt of children to maintain a connection with the deceased to adapt to their new reality.
As opposed to families that had lost a dad, families that lost mothers had a lot of changes in their daily routines. It is primarily daughters that assume the responsibilities such as taking care of siblings and doing household tasks. Back at school, bereaved children are always at a higher risk of the behavioral disturbance. Some children also exhibited increased somatic problems, oppositional behavior, learning problems, separation anxiety, reduced self-esteem, and social involvement. Dysfunctional severe problems can also be a long-term effect of losing a parent (Tremblay et al.,1998).
Other effects of the loss of a parent to children include lowered capacity of the remaining parent to be able to tend to the needs of the child; Children also lose some sense of stability and predictability which are highly sensitive (Tremblay et al.,1998)
Parents have also reported that after the loss of their spouse, they have been less competent in their parenting.
Children whose deceased parents had a long-term illness before their demise suffered reduced external and internal coping. They also showed less social competence and self-esteem and showed more symptoms of anxiety and depression.
How Different Cultures Deal with Grief
Cultural rituals regarding death. Each culture has its own beliefs on the purpose and meaning of life. This influences how different cultures approach death. After diverse kinds of losses, most cultures turn to rituals. Each culture has its rituals that help in dealing with grief. This helps them to mitigate negative feelings and reestablish their feelings. Mourning rituals in most cultures are usually contradictory. For example, Catholic Latinos view crying near the dead as a sign of respect, whereas Tibetan Buddhists regard crying near the dead as disruptive (Norton&Gino 2014). Hindu rituals usually stress hair removal when mourning, while Jewish rituals require Jewish males to grow hair when mourning. However, in all these rituals performed in different cultures, their main aim is to gain control to alleviate grief (Norton&Gino 2014). The description of rituals performed by individuals across different cultures is very different based on the changes in behaviors, attitudes, and preferences. For instance, some of the rituals performed in some cultures involved engaging in the deceased favorite activities, whereas others avoided performing some of the deceased favorite activities. Mourning rituals across different cultures differ, and the effectiveness of rituals does not depend on the specific actions involved in the rituals (Norton&Gino 2014). Instead, it is driven by the acts of engaging. Rituals can help address how people approaching death are cared for, the new roles family members are expected to take, and those involved in the rituals while performing rituals after death.
A different set of cultures have different sets of beliefs. This, therefore, informs how different cultures approach death. For instance, some cultures believe in life after death, and therefore, these people find death more bearable, thus helping to deal with grief.
Conclusion
Loss and grief are people’s part of lives that is impossible to avoid. Grieving is considered necessary in the face of loss as it can help alleviate the distress caused by death losses. Coping mechanisms have therefore been designed to deal with grief. Some of the coping mechanisms that are often employed mainly in children include joining bereavement camps, getting attached to God, accepting the loss of a loved one, and going through therapy, among many other coping mechanisms. In the data mentioned above, it is evident that religion and spirituality are powerful tools that can be used to accept death. Performing rituals in the face of loss often help to gain some sense of control in the bereaved, thus helping accept death. Some religious beliefs, such as the notion that there is life after death, have made the suffering view death positively, thus making it easier to pursue death. Religion is also used to help individuals accept death by getting support from religious community members, spending time in meditation and prayer, and pursuing daily spiritual experiences. Spirituality impacted through dreams can also help accept death as they help the bereaved get a deeper meaning of life and reflect on issues involving the purpose of death for the bereaved, thus accepting death. Grief usually weighs down on people, especially children. Some of the effects experienced in children after loss include denial, overcoming repression, symptoms of dysphoria, sleeping problems, and headache; for adults, some of the effects include denial and assuming roles of the deceased. Different cultures deal with grief differently. The use of rituals is one of the most common ways cultures deal with grief. Different cultures have different rituals that they perform in the event of death. Most of the rituals between different cultures are contradictory.
An example is where Catholic Latinos view crying near the dead as a sign of respect, whereas Tibetan Buddhists view this as disruptive. Buddhists view it as a disruption. Some cultures also require hair shaving when mourning, while others require hair to be grown during mourning.
Also, different cultures have different sets of beliefs that help accept death. Some cultures believe that there is life after death, and they, therefore, view death as an attractive escape from suffering in the world. However, more research needs to be done on how different culture deals with grief. Given the data mentioned above, more research needs to be done to know about the effects that grief causes on children to come up with the correct coping—mechanisms for death.
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