In the first few chapters of Wild, Strayed expresses intense grief, sorrow, anger, and emotional agony after the traumatic loss of her mother to cancer. She describes sobbing uncontrollably, feeling like her “whole life depended on getting those words out” to her deceased mother, and having vivid recurring dreams where she violently kills her mother. This extreme emotional response aligns closely with the intense emotions like sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, and despair that are hallmarks of a trauma reaction, according to the summary. Strayed’s traumatic dreams about her mother also match the nightmares and intrusive thoughts the summary associates with trauma.
Strayed engages in various risky and self-destructive behaviours in the time following her mother’s death, which seem to be maladaptive coping mechanisms. She admits to cheating on her husband multiple times by kissing other men and lying about it. The summary states that self-harming behaviours like substance abuse, recklessness, and suicidal thoughts can manifest as ways trauma survivors try to manage their distress. Though less extreme, Strayed’s infidelity and dishonesty could stem from the same desire to escape inner turmoil. She also feels unable to move on from her grief and is obligated to stay in Minnesota to care for her remaining family members. The summary notes that trauma can cause a “freezing” response where one feels stuck and unable to move forward. Strayed’s immobilization likely relates to this trapped feeling.
Avoidance and travel seem to be some of Strayed’s main coping mechanisms as she tries to escape facing the trauma of her mother’s death head-on. She takes long road trips and hikes with her husband and finally decides to hike the Pacific Crest Trail alone, explaining that she felt called to it after her loss. The summary states that avoidance behaviours are prevalent in trauma victims, as confronting the trauma is incredibly difficult. Hiking the PCT gives Strayed a way to avoid processing her grief while feeling purposeful at the same time. However, her emotional struggles resurface at the start of her hike, confirming that the avoidance was only temporary.
Even at the beginning of her PCT hike, Strayed is still struggling with the impacts of trauma. She grapples with sorrow and anxiety, feeling like a “fraud,” and wanting to call her ex-husband for comfort. This aligns with the summary’s information about how trauma can negatively impact one’s self-perception and relationships. Strayed also continues to grieve her mother and her lost family, showing she has not worked through the trauma or loss. She seems to hope the hike will provide isolation, physical challenge, and self-reflection to help begin healing from the trauma she experienced. Though avoidance brought her to the PCT, she sees it as an opportunity to face and process her trauma in a supportive environment eventually.
I find Strayed’s quest complex, layered, and profoundly human. On the surface, it is a physical challenge – an ambitious solo hike that will push her limits. However, the journey is about much more than miles. Strayed is fueled by grief and trauma, and she sees the Pacific Crest Trail as an opportunity to start healing after her mother’s death shattered her life. Despite fear and doubt, I admire Strayed’s determination and courage to embark on this quest. Her willingness to take a risk and push into the unknown feels necessary, given her trauma. She listens to an inner call for healing and transformation – even if she cannot articulate it or feels like a “fraud” initially. That makes her quest a powerful, if messy, search for meaning, purpose, and herself in the aftermath of loss. The journey leads to reconciliation and reconstruction, though the road there will be painful.
Works Cited
Strayed, Cheryl. Wild: From lost to found on the Pacific Crest Trail. Knopf, 2012.
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