Introduction
The term ‘intimate relationship’ is broad and fluid with different meanings attached to it, and it could be connections between friends, families, and sexual partners. Different forms of intimacy, such as elective intimacy, have been researched as forms of intimate labor, including personal care, physical closeness, and intimate knowledge. Elective intimacy is often mediated because it requires a medium through which intimate relationships are created by disclosing information between the primary subject and others. Elective intimacy is possible through social media platforms and dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Tagged. These platforms are primarily responsible for networking with people from different regions together. The primary focus of this essay is to discuss the optimistic and pessimistic perspectives associated with elective intimacy in the digital era.
Optimistic Perspective of Elective Intimacy
Online dating applications like Tinder and Tagged have significantly changed how people date in terms of communication and behaviors. Dating apps have become familiar in contemporary society, and one can meet their life partner with a swipe of a finger. For example, Tinder has become popular in India, rapidly experiencing massive growth and becoming the most relevant and essential online platform for forming new connections. According to research statistics, online dating on platforms like Tinder precedes marriages in most developed nations, and online relationships are becoming more valuable, especially among millennials. Online dating platforms are broad and entail more than dating; they are powerful tools that allow people to meet and connect with others, increase their social groups, and learn from one another regardless of geographical distance. On dating platforms, individuals engage in direct conversations with randomly matched people, which is a sensible choice instead of picking someone based on what they have written in their biography. Most men on Tinder take it as a dating app and establish weaker connections, whereas women perceive it as a socializing app and create stronger bonds and connections (Hobbs et al., 2017). The decision to socialize and avoid creating weaker ties depends on the use of photos making it more competitive for users, especially those on Tinder. Genuine connections have been formed from the app depending on an individual’s motive and intentions (Urrutia & Tello-Navarro, 2021). It is the most reliable and critical platform that enhances elective intimacy for its users in modern society. However, the app has advantages and disadvantages for users regarding the type of intimacy they seek on the platform.
The presented case scenario involving Tinder, one of the most successful online dating applications, shows the level of autonomy it gives to its users. People using the app have the opportunity to choose from a variety of potential life partners. Another level of freedom presented by the app is that it does not limit individuals to merely romantic connections; from its description, Tinder is more than a dating app because, from it, people can form friendships based on their intentions, which helps expand their social circle. Individuals have the chance to associate themselves with like-minded persons, and they can learn from one another (Urrutia & Tello-Navarro, 2021). Tinder has significantly facilitated elective intimacy among young people looking to create genuine and authentic relationships or friendships. The level of autonomy on Tinder allows people to be selective by participating in conversations with their counterparts or matches and choosing partners they can resonate with without fear of being judged or misinterpreted.
Elective intimacy can be evaluated from the optimistic and the pessimistic perspectives. From an optimistic point of view, elective intimacy makes relationships more intense and democratic since a specific autonomy drives such intimacies. The emotional intimacy experience plays a significant role in maintaining sexual desire and collaborative sexual activities in long-term romantic relationships (Hobbs et al., 2017). When people have increased and diverse intimacy choices, it results in the development of authentic and genuine connections. For instance, online dating platforms, in the case of Tinder, provide individuals with various choices (Hobbs et al., 2017). Through this dating site, one meets thousands of potential life partners, which is helpful, especially for individuals that are always busy with work and have no social life. Another essential aspect of elective intimacy is the increased chances of meeting like-minded individuals. When on dating apps, people can list their preferences and be specific with their intentions which helps save time if they do not meet the required standards (Hobbs et al., 2017). The abundance of choices enables people to meet their perfect matches based on attitude, values, and interests. This abundance creates relationships built and nurtured through mutual compatibility and authentic connections. Elective intimacy motivates individuals to explore their needs and desires and make informed and intentional relationship decisions.
Intimacy is the core of a good and healthy relationship because it facilitates the growth and well-being of both parties involved. Intimate interactions involve being vulnerable to each other, and it requires one to be nonjudgmental and open-minded to accept the strengths and weaknesses of the other wholly. Elective intimacy, in this case, is vital because one gets to know more about the other person and decide whether they can be vulnerable and trust them without fear of being judged or overlooked because of their weaknesses. Intimacy must be beneficial in that it contributes to the well-being of each other; therefore, the need to be selective when choosing a partner on digital dating platforms (Hobbs et al., 2017). The fact that intimacy is essential and beneficial to human beings shows how challenging it could be to meet the person of your dreams. Dating platforms have made elective intimacy easier because people have the right to decline a relationship that is not genuine and authentic before investing too much.
Elective intimacy is optimistic because of the increased number of options to select from promoting gender equality. Elective intimacy is closely associated with ‘liquid love’ because it has transformed the romance and dating scene into a form of entertainment that allows individuals to continually return to look for other options if they feel unsatisfied with their choices (Urrutia & Tello-Navarro, 2021). Traditional gender roles have, in the long run, been subjective, especially toward women, because they were not allowed a decision regarding choosing a partner. Unequal societal norms have always dictated women’s lives and relationships. The introduction of online dating as an aspect of elective intimacy has allowed people, women in particular, to explore different relationships and friendships based on mutual connections willingly (Hobbs et al., 2017). Technological innovations have enabled women to establish relationships based on their sexual and emotional equality with other individuals as long as they feel mutually satisfied. Elective intimacy has changed democratic decision-making relationships and friendships, advocating gender equality and defying traditional norms. This type of intimacy has allowed men and women to explore different sexual orientations without being judged. The practice of intimacy has become more individualistic because the individual self is at the core of the interaction.
Personal growth is also an optimistic perspective of elective intimacy, which is realized through the freedom of exploring different forms of connection. The primary objective of having an intimate relationship or connection with someone else is because they make one a better person or version of themselves. Growth in any relationship is necessary, which can only be achieved between people with similar experiences, values, and interests (Bosch, 2011). Intimate interactions are determined mainly by the involved individuals’ behavior, emotions, and thoughts while interacting. Elective intimacy motivates individuals to become more open with their partners because it is the only way the relationship can work for the involved parties. People, especially if someone has trust issues, grow to trust the other with their most vulnerable issues. They get to discover themselves and develop their self-identity through the other person. Many women on Tinder are often looking for genuine friendships and self-validation, and to be presentable, they tend to interfere with their profile’s self-representation, which is more performative in finding genuine connections. Generally, elective intimacy opens up a whole new dynamic of self-awareness.
Pessimistic Perspective of Elective Intimacy
Sexual desires are among the most primal human desires, which have become more prevalent with the introduction of online dating applications. Most people on Tinder, especially males, view it as an app for finding casual sex hookups without the intent of a committed relationship. It is impossible to comprehend this culture without associating it with a sexual script that involves two strangers willing to have platonic sex. Sexual experiences are often short-term with no repetitive patterns, and most users on Tinder and other dating apps are accustomed to this norm. The hookup culture has resulted in privatization since many encounters and meetups happen in private places. Heterosexual Tinder users are often presented with a different background norm than the standard expectations. Modern hetero-normativity expects sexual encounters to happen in relationships, making casual sex escapades responsible for possible transgression against such expectations. The significant emphasis on faster sexual gratification without emotional commitment leads to a norm of shallow and false connections due to fear of emotional vulnerability and investment (Attwood et al., 2017). This shows how willingly people, especially on dating apps, are quicker to engage in emotionless hookups instead of nurturing serious relationships with each other. Elective intimacy has allowed individuals to avoid creating meaningful connections because they are presented with options. The disposable aspect of such relationships results in a lack of desire to invest emotionally and develop meaningful connections, confirming that modern relationships are meaningless and easy to replace.
One pessimistic aspect of elective intimacy is that it massively contributes to a negative culture of disposable and fear of commitment and emotional investment relationships. According to Bauman and Beck, elective intimacy generates the fear of commitment in individuals, specifically in a society full of better options. The hookup culture has made it difficult to determine the level of genuineness of an individual, resulting in a lack of emotional investment. Many people in serious relationships would fall out instead of working through their relationships (Bosch, 2011). The idea of relationships from the elective intimacy perspective has become null and irrelevant because of the significant prevalence of the hookup culture. Elective intimacy is also responsible for the growth and development of self-commodification, where people perceive their friendships and relationships as marketable goods that can be quickly replaced. Relationships are viewed as building and maintaining an individual’s image and reputation instead of being loved and respected, as expected in authentic connections.
Elective intimacy has led to increased self-centredness and Narcissism between people in relationships and those searching for genuine connections. Most people get into relationships for specific purposes, often self-centered and manipulative for personal gain. When people focus more on this perspective, and it becomes their motive in relationships, they overlook the needs and desires of the other party because they are only around to please themselves (Attwood et al., 2017). Selfishness and egocentrism cannot align and make the relationship successful because one party will feel neglected and disrespected. As much as elective intimacy provides a specific level of autonomy, it results in narcissistic behavior and self-centeredness if not well navigated. Many people become obsessed with maintaining a specific image to be loved or liked at the expense of their partners or friends. Impression management is essential in this discussion because it describes individuals’ significant efforts to control people’s opinions toward them. They are more concerned with maintaining a fake online image than establishing authentic connections. Elective intimacy is also motivated by the aspect of imagined audiences, which means that people have this opinion that they are constantly being watched and judged hence the need for validation from unknown individuals. This notion results in self-doubt and consciousness with the constant need to impress and seem perfect to people that are hardly watching.
Reflection and Conclusion
Considering the optimistic and pessimistic perspectives regarding elective intimacy, concluding that they all present valid and essential arguments is essential. The optimistic side presents the possibility for increased intensity and autonomous relationships; the pessimistic side contradicts it based on the narcissistic features associated with modern relationships. The influence of elective intimacy is different depending on an individual’s experiences, personal values and needs, and cultural context. It is critical to be open-minded and acknowledges that most relationships will not fit the pessimist or optimist perspective because of the diverse dynamics of intimacy. Generally, while the opinions regarding elective intimacy provide relevant and essential insight, it is vital to understand the complexity of relationships and acknowledge that they cannot be established through elective intimacy being democratic or narcissistic. The genuine concern is the different individual experiences and values that shape and determine each relationship.
References
Attwood, F., Hakim, J., & Winch, A. (2017). Mediated intimacies: bodies, technologies, and relationships. Journal of Gender Studies, 26(3), 249–253. https://doi.org/10.1080/09589236.2017.1297888
Bosch, T. (2011). Young women and ‘technologies of the self’: Social networking and sexualities. Agenda (Durban), 25(4), 75–86. https://doi.org/10.1080/10130950.2011.630579
Hobbs, M., Owen, S., & Gerber, L. (2017). Liquid love? Dating apps, sex, relationships, and the digital transformation of intimacy. Journal of Sociology, 53(2), 271–284. https://doi.org/10.1177/1440783316662718
Urrutia, V. G., & Tello-Navarro, F. (2021). Gender, love and the Internet: romantic online interactions in Chilean young people. Journal of Youth Studies, 24(6), 731–745. https://doi.org/10.1080/13676261.2020.1764512
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