Identification and Definition:
Attributions are our perceptions about the causes of behaviours and events. They represent the reasons we attribute to explain why something happened (Banerjee et al., 2020).
Importance for Relationship Success:
Attribution processes are critical to relationship success as it is how they explain the causes of each other’s behaviours that strongly influence the emotional and behavioural reactions of one party to the other. This positive interpretative attribution of the partner’s maladaptive behaviours to external factors such as time-related events rather than internal traits or his ill intention prevents the destructive conflict spirals and enables more constructive interactions between the couple (Koehler, 2024). On the other hand, hostile attributions, which place the partner’s continuous personality shortcomings or selfish motives at the centre stage, feed hatred and rally.
Empirical studies have repeatedly found a connection between hostile attributional styles and a variety of problems, including more conflict, lower relationship satisfaction, and a higher risk of terminating the relationship. A long term study by Lavner et al. (2019) discovered that spouses who made more hostile attributions in problem solving showed more significant decreases in marital satisfaction over the first year of their marriage. A different study conducted within four years among spouses who made benign attributions for their partner’s negative behaviours demonstrated increased intimacy and relationship stability (Hogan et al., 2021).
John Gottman’s cognitive work elucidates the potential of hostile attributions to worsen life over time. Gottman’s investigation showed that couples who are in unhappy relationships are biased toward attributing to their partner’s negative behaviours, like selfishness, as opposed to the more neutral ones, such as being under stress (Vinney, 2021). This is part of an escalating cycle in which partners feel humiliated and unilaterally treated. It serves as the fuel for defensiveness and further unfavourable exchange.
In contrast, happy couples are more likely to consider external mitigating factors and give their partner the benefit of the doubt rather than attribute negativity to selfishness or malice (Adamo et al., 2020). A harsh start breeds a harsh conclusion, while charitable perspectives enable compassion and resolution. The adage “it’s not what happens, but how you process it” proves accurate when assessing the pivotal role of attributions.
Application
To influence benign attributional processes in the relationships, whenever my partner does something or says something hurtful, I will conduct myself by pausing to consider several external situational factors that can be used to explain their behaviour, including work stress, lack of sleep, and misunderstanding my words, rather than interpreting it as a character flaw or ill intent. If the negativity seems out of character, I will talk openly and warmly about the alternative attributions, as I say. You do not usually speak this way to me. Is there something about the workload you mentioned earlier that makes you stressed?
I will also take on a proactive attitude and develop neutral attributions to mildly upsetting my partner by saying it wasn’t my intention to ignore your feelings; I was getting ahead of myself and trying to offer solutions before I heard you. These benign attributions will promote an understanding, friendly climate where minor disputes are de-escalated and conflicts don’t escalate. In time, one may realize how contributing out of deserving feelings becomes the driving force behind building connections linked with harmony, sympathy, and compassion.
Furthermore, my thinking veered into negative statements like He always puts work ahead of me. In that case, I will focus on constructively addressing the immediate situation rather than criticizing people. It ensures that the negative sentiment would remain fragile and not be converted into stubborn and unfriendly ideas about my girlfriend. Being apathetic gives us an attitude to resolve the issues through open communication, compromise and empathy without turning the argument into an aggressive attack.
References
Adamo, C., Leo, K., Hogan, J. N., Crenshaw, A. O., Baucom, K. J. W., & Baucom, B. R. W. (2020). Negative Partner Attributions Moderate the Association between Heart Rate Reactivity During Relationship Conflict and Relationship Satisfaction. Family Process. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12609
Banerjee, D., Gidwani, C., & Sathyanarayana Rao, T. S. (2020). The Role of “Attributions” in Social Psychology and their Relevance in Psychosocial Health: A Narrative Review. Indian Journal of Social Psychiatry, 36(4), 277. https://doi.org/10.4103/ijsp.ijsp_315_20
Hogan, J. N., Crenshaw, A. O., Baucom, K. J. W., & Baucom, B. R. W. (2021). Time Spent Together in Intimate Relationships: Implications for Relationship Functioning. Contemporary Family Therapy, 43(3). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10591-020-09562-6
Koehler, J. (2024). Attribution Theory—And Why Your Relationships Hinge on It | Psychology Today. Www.psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/beyond-school-walls/202403/attribution-theory-and-why-your-relationships-hinge-on-it
Lavner, J. A., Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (2019). Newlyweds’ optimistic forecasts of their marriage: For better or for worse? Journal of Family Psychology, 27(4), 531–540. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0033423
Vinney, C. (2021, August 18). What Is the Gottman Method? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-gottman-method-5191408
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