Norms are social constructs that help us navigate society. They give us expectations about how to behave, what to expect, and what is acceptable and what is not (Myers & Twenge, 2019). They are often based on traditions, and customs passed down from generation to generation. Norm-busting is when someone breaks a social norm expected to be followed. Doing so can result in many adverse reactions from other people who are often unaware of their actions. Norms are essential in our social lives, as they help us keep track of our behavior standards and expectations for each other. People who don’t follow these standards can be looked at as strange or creepy (but not necessarily both in the same way). They can also be viewed as less of a person because they don’t adhere to society’s expectations. What happens when someone breaks a norm? It can be hard or easy to notice when someone does something that isn’t considered normal, but it still affects how people respond to them. For example, suppose someone is doing something socially unacceptable or unkind toward others. In that case, it could lead to them being ostracized from the group or even bullied by other group members who feel betrayed by their actions.
The purpose of norms is to help us feel safe and secure in our interactions with other people. Without them, people would constantly question each other about their actions’ appropriateness, which would lead to constant conflict and confusion. To maintain a sense of safety, we need to have some standard by which we can judge whether or not someone has done something wrong or inappropriate. We continue doing norms because they help us feel comfortable around other people and build a sense of security around relationships between people; knowing that there is a set of rules that everyone follows helps make interactions more predictable and less stressful than if everyone acted on their own free will.
Eating Non-Finger Foods with Fingers: Busting the Norm
I decided to break the norm I chose of table manners by eating non-finger food with my fingers (e.g., pasta, soup, salad) in a restaurant. I chose this social norm to break because I wanted to see what people would say about it. When I first learned about the norm of table manners, it seemed like a widespread expectation that I had never broken. In fact, I wondered if there was some social stigma associated with eating with your fingers. I knew it was unlikely anyone would get mad at me for doing so because eating with your fingers is not against the law. Besides, most people do not even know what this social norm means. It would be interesting to see how many people did not realize they were doing something wrong by eating with their fingers at a restaurant.
I thought it would be hard for me to go against the grain, but I will try my best not to lie or tell any lies if someone asks me why I’m eating my food with my hands. My concerns were that people might stare at me or ask what I’m doing wrong, but then again, there might not be anyone asking me because they don’t know what normal table manners are anymore! My feelings while breaking the norm include excitement, nervousness, and amusement. When I walked into the restaurant, I had no expectations other than maybe having some stares or being made fun of by other people.
I arrived at my destination and looked for a restaurant open for lunch. I then walked to the hostess stand and asked where I could find my table. She pointed me towards one and told me to go on in. I sat down, pulled out my phone, and ordered a portion of pasta from the menu before ordering a drink from the waitstaff, who came by shortly after that. After waiting for my food to come out, I began eating while watching people around me eat. As I prepared to break the norm of table manners by eating non-finger food with my fingers in a restaurant, people reacted differently. Some people initially needed clarification because they didn’t expect me to do this. Other people responded in different ways: some people were shocked and seemed on guard around me; others were happy about it and seemed excited to see something new from me; some people didn’t seem surprised at all but instead said things like “I’ve done that before” or “I’ve heard of people doing that.” It seemed more natural for some people at first glance. But then again, maybe it wasn’t a cultural difference as it had become commonplace over time without anyone noticing until someone broke with tradition by eating in such a manner.
Eating Non-finger Foods with Fingers: Closing Thoughts and Reflections
Breaking the norm of table manners by eating non-finger food with your fingers in a restaurant is an example of norm-busting because it goes against our expectations. We are taught that we should only eat with our fingers when eating finger food and that we should not put anything else into our mouths while eating those foods. However, I busted this social norm by eating with my fingers in a restaurant without protest from other customers or staff members, if not for a few comments by other customers saying, “Why are you eating like that?” “You are disgusting.” But no one got angry or upset over this behavior which shows that most people do not mind other people eating with their fingers in public places like restaurants without any restrictions or rules being imposed on them, which shows that this social norm is still very prevalent in society today. The experience reinforced my belief in social norms and how they can be changed by simply going against them and doing things differently than everyone else around you.
References
Myers, D. & Twenge, J. (2019) Social Psychology, 13th edition. McGraw-Hill Education.
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